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I seem to only write in here when things suck   
09:17pm 12/11/2009
  I've been unrepairably hurt twice now, that means only one more time to go. At least I know it's coming. On a better note the leafblower man is back and now I have my G5... I think I'm too excited about this.  
03:18pm 12/07/2009
  I MISS TENNIS but don't tell anyone.  
09:17pm 13/10/2008
  I quite tennis and am transferring again. I'm also schizophrenic. At least I'll be going to school near Zack next semester. Then if all goes according to plan I'll be at MSU in the fall. My life may actually be happy for once if this all happens.  
12:30am 06/09/2008
  I'm stuck here now. I don't know how to deal with it. My parents haven't even called me once. I actually e-mailed my mom and she didn't even respond. I hate it so much here my life hurts. I'm so sad. I hate being this way. I want to be happy like I was this summer. I want to be around people I love and enjoy being around. I don't even like tennis anymore and thats the only thing that got me through last semester. Now I don't even have that to enjoy. I honestly wish I could just quit. I want to just stop, it's become a burden. I've lost the love of my life completely, tennis is dead to me. So I just want to go on but I can't because I'm stuck here. I don't know how to deal with this.  
09:23pm 24/08/2008
  I don't like love. I think life would be easier without it. Perhaps less pleasant, but easier non the less.  
07:45pm 01/07/2008
  I hate life. I also hate Zack. And I'm pretty damn sure God hates me.  
08:33pm 30/06/2008
  I'm so fucking pissed beyond belief right now. My lips are so chapped they constantly bleed, my back hurts like no other, and I can't be in the sun even though I'm a tennis teacher and player or else I might get skin cancer. This is all due to my friend Accutane. Well, it was my friend until I fucking-ass broke out this morning. I haven't had to deal with this bad of shit for a while. When this happens I feel so nasty and horrible that I can't leave the house. I couldn't even work out because I was to embarrassed to be seen in public. Zack wants to go out but I do even want to see him now and especially don't want to go out. I would not wish this problem on my worst enemy. It's like torture upon torture.  
01:13pm 29/06/2008
  1. I hate work.
2. I love coffee.
3. I miss my friends.
4. I need money.
5. I have very uneven tan lines.
08:07pm 10/05/2008
  I have one final left. I'm not going to study a single bit. I want to go home, I need to leave this fucking place. I don't ideally want to go 'home' but thats my only option other than here and I'm taking it. I have no idea what the summer will be like. Ideally it will be wonderful, I get to see everyone again and Zack and I can finally be together. We have gone 9 months without being together. How awful. Thank God I don't have feeling or else it would have been intolerable. I'm coming home now. I'm torn on how I feel about it.  
07:35pm 18/04/2008
  1. I need more money.
2. I haven't gone crazy yet.
3. I need summer clothes, which leads to I need more money.
4. I no longer look like a grandma thanks to getting flip flops, although I despise them I can't think of what ppl wear with capri's and shorts. Am I missing something?
5. I need more money, this is why I'm dating a Jew.
05:56pm 01/04/2008
  It's kind of annoying caring about people sometimes. I mean, it makes you want to help them and then it just creates problems. Like, if I didn't love Zack then I would just be ok with his parents being psychotic assholes with a vendetta against everything that threatens their control. But, I do and I don't want him to suffer with this anymore. So I try to help. Then I get frustrated. Then I hate his parents. Oy vey. Let me just say it takes a lot to compete with me and my parents fucked up relationship but Zack might have me beat in this one. Poor Zack, he is so sweet but he really needs to get a back bone and teach his parents a thing or two. I guess if anyone could teach him that though, it would be the master of parental relations, me.  
12:46pm 06/03/2008
  so, their putting me on Accutaine (sp?). I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty excited.
possible side effects:
- psychosis
- depression
- joint aches
- suicide
- deformed babies
- schizophrenia
- hallucinatinos
- sun damage
all for clear skin.....
10:47pm 01/03/2008
  fuck hockey.  
04:14pm 28/02/2008
  I left three different messages. They better call me back, it's my only hope.  
12:25pm 10/02/2008
  I talked to him today, uh o. I want to tell Zack. I don't know how he'd react. Good thing he isn't even in this country.  
09:17pm 08/02/2008
  I hate food. I hate food. I hate food. I hate food. I hate food.  
technology hates me   
12:33pm 08/02/2008
  I'm officially the queen of killing phones. If I listed all of the phones and how they were broken or lost, the list would be infinit it seems. In reality, I've literally gone through at least 20 phones I believe, if not more. I just can't seem to keep electronics, phones in particular safe. I destroy anything that is technological. I keep my phone in my back pocket of my jeans and today in the bathroom at school it fell out and dropped in the mother fucking toilet. I didn't even realize what was going on because it was so ridiculous so I just casually reached in and grabbed it. Then I came back to reality and realized what i had just done. Not only had I dropped my phone in the toilet but I just fucking stuck my entire hand in the toilet too! My phone smelled like ass as well as my hand. I now need some sort of hand transplant because that was so nasty, any donations? I'm just so wonderfully good at breaking things for no apparent reason. Who has gone through 4 computers in one year? Me! Grannit sometimes it's not my fault, like my last phone which broke only 2 weeks ago, the keypad just randomly stopped working. I think God has some sort of vendetta against me, and likes to just play with my head sometimes in little ways that just inconevience my life and cost sigificant amounts of money. Thank God my parents pay for everything, otherwise I would ahve no phone, computer, or ipod. Well, I wouldn't ahve anything really but those are the electronic things that seem to die when in the company of me.  
08:47pm 03/02/2008
  I did it, I'm now playing number 1 singles. I actually was able to pull myself together enough to beat the girl ho played 1 last semester. This was literally impossible to do at eastern, I was to crazy on the court. Here, I don't have any other option but to be the best. No excuses, so I had to prove myself worthy. I don't ever want to stop playing. I know it's a long ways away but I'm continually thinking about after university what will happen with tennis and I. I would like to play on the circuit, but that would require lots of money and support. I am going to start saving now and talking to people this summer to see if it's a realistic possibiblity. I don't think I could handle just letting tennis go so soon. I would for sure have a breakdown of some sort. Therefore, this needs to happen. In the meantime I will play here at Bryant and try to impress everyone and perhaps get enough attention to catch the eye of a sponser.  
11:02pm 27/01/2008
  8:00AM classes, fuck you.  
It's like a joke   
05:15pm 23/01/2008
  I have been dying for the last couple days. A wonderful combination of a fever, cough, and strep throat. I now lost my voice and when I do try to speak I sound like death. Did I mention this all happened on my first day of school and practice in RI?